Hi, Assalamualaikum!
It's been awhile and I wanna do this heart to heart post since I feel like blogging. Hihihi. Ingat nak guna malay lang. but entah la. My emotion is in control if I speak in English.
So I wanna talk about this one thing that I've been doing since the start of the third semester.
IGNORANCE.
It seems to me that I dont really want to care about my surrounding. I choose to stay away from the dramas that happened. I dont know about it but I feel better. Though my friend told me that I ignored almost everything and that's not good. Yeah I know that so now I somehow care a bit on surroundings and the result is, I think, getting worst. I hurt alot. Yeah, from people around. I dont know if I was being over, ultra - sensitive or people are really such an asshole. Yes, I've tried my best to not to hurt anybody's feeling. I tried to jaga hati orang lah kan. But the thing is, people really dont care about what are you tryna do, what you have done for them and such. Same as they're not aware of your presence.
Please dont be tooooo anti-social. I have heart too okay? Nak bercinta tak kisah la tapi kau ni jenis bila dah bercinta lupa kawan. Aku taknak macam tu. Belajar untuk pandai divide masa untuk kawan and boyfriend.
Kay ai mengantuk. Hihihihi nak packing lepastu tidur.
Byeee. Memuah *:
Monday, August 4, 2014
Friday, April 25, 2014
Cause I'm Happy (:
Hi, Assalamualaikum!
Alhamdulillah, I feel better. And I'm trying to get, to have, to create more positive vibes in my life (:
Toodles (:
Alhamdulillah, I feel better. And I'm trying to get, to have, to create more positive vibes in my life (:
Toodles (:
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Bismillah (:
Hey! Assalamualaikum.
Been wondering why I am still awake at this hour? Well, I cant sleep. My heart ache so much and I can do nothing about it. Really need help, but it's okay. Let me handle this. But seriously it hurts. Where are you?
Bye.
Been wondering why I am still awake at this hour? Well, I cant sleep. My heart ache so much and I can do nothing about it. Really need help, but it's okay. Let me handle this. But seriously it hurts. Where are you?
Bye.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
It's Okay (':
Hi, Assalamualaikum!
So after that quite-emotional-post, I decided to share this one song from the korean drama "The Master's Sun". It is soooo closely related to my condition. The title is "Day and Night" song by Gummy.
So after that quite-emotional-post, I decided to share this one song from the korean drama "The Master's Sun". It is soooo closely related to my condition. The title is "Day and Night" song by Gummy.
English Translation:
Where are you, what are you doing?
Thoughts of you have switched my days and nights
I get dizzy, my head spins
Whenever I see you even for a moment
Thoughts of you have switched my days and nights
I get dizzy, my head spins
Whenever I see you even for a moment
How much more do I have to love for you to know my heart?
How much more time has to pass for you to love me?
Because I always have a lot of tears, because I’m a fool who can’t even speak
My heart hurts
Today feels a bit longer than yesterday
How much more time has to pass for you to love me?
Because I always have a lot of tears, because I’m a fool who can’t even speak
My heart hurts
Today feels a bit longer than yesterday
Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing
We can’t meet, just like day and night
My steps sway and I quiet my breath in case you notice
Whenever even my finger tips touch you
We can’t meet, just like day and night
My steps sway and I quiet my breath in case you notice
Whenever even my finger tips touch you
How much more do I have to love for you to know my heart?
How much more time has to pass for you to love me?
Because I always have a lot of tears, because I’m a fool who can’t even speak
My heart hurts
Today feels a bit longer than yesterday
How much more time has to pass for you to love me?
Because I always have a lot of tears, because I’m a fool who can’t even speak
My heart hurts
Today feels a bit longer than yesterday
Even when tomorrow comes and
I have to look at you from behind alone
I’m still ok with it, I can still be happy
I have to look at you from behind alone
I’m still ok with it, I can still be happy
How much more do I have to love for you to know my heart?
How much more time has to pass for you to love me?
Because I always have a lot of tears, because I’m a fool who can’t even speak
My heart hurts
Today feels a bit longer than yesterday
How much more time has to pass for you to love me?
Because I always have a lot of tears, because I’m a fool who can’t even speak
My heart hurts
Today feels a bit longer than yesterday
Romanized:
Eodi inneunji mueol hago inneunji
Geudae saenggage bakkwieo beorin natgwa bam
Nunapi eojireowojyeo meorineun soranseureowo
Sunganirado geudael bol ttaemyeon
Eolmana deo manhi saranghaeyaji nae mameul alkkayo
Eolmana sigani jinagayaji nal saranghalkkayo
Nunmuri neul manheun naraseo maldo motaneun baboraseo
Gaseumi apa
Oneureun eojeboda jogeum gin haru
Geudae saenggage bakkwieo beorin natgwa bam
Nunapi eojireowojyeo meorineun soranseureowo
Sunganirado geudael bol ttaemyeon
Eolmana deo manhi saranghaeyaji nae mameul alkkayo
Eolmana sigani jinagayaji nal saranghalkkayo
Nunmuri neul manheun naraseo maldo motaneun baboraseo
Gaseumi apa
Oneureun eojeboda jogeum gin haru
Eodi isseodo mueol hago isseodo
Geudaewa naneun mannal su eomneun natgwa bam
Georeumi heundeulgeoryeojyeo deulkilji molla sumjugyeo
Sonkkeuchirado geudael seuchimyeon
Eolmana deo manhi saranghaeyaji nae mameul alkkayo
Eolmana sigani jinagayaji nal saranghalkkayo
Nunmuri neul manheun naraseo maldo motaneun baboraseo
Gaseumi apa
Oneureun eojeboda jogeum gin haru
Naeiri wa dasi tto geudae dwieseo
Honja barabondaedo
Geuraedo nan joheunde haengbokhaehal su inneunde
Geudaewa naneun mannal su eomneun natgwa bam
Georeumi heundeulgeoryeojyeo deulkilji molla sumjugyeo
Sonkkeuchirado geudael seuchimyeon
Eolmana deo manhi saranghaeyaji nae mameul alkkayo
Eolmana sigani jinagayaji nal saranghalkkayo
Nunmuri neul manheun naraseo maldo motaneun baboraseo
Gaseumi apa
Oneureun eojeboda jogeum gin haru
Naeiri wa dasi tto geudae dwieseo
Honja barabondaedo
Geuraedo nan joheunde haengbokhaehal su inneunde
Eolmana saranghaeyaji nae mameul alkkayo
Eolmana sigani jinagayaji nal saranghalkkayo
Nunmuri neul manheun naraseo maldo motaneun baboraseo
Gaseumi apa
Oneureun eojeboda jogeum gin haru
Eolmana sigani jinagayaji nal saranghalkkayo
Nunmuri neul manheun naraseo maldo motaneun baboraseo
Gaseumi apa
Oneureun eojeboda jogeum gin haru
Salam.
Hi, Assalamualaikum!
Hey, this post isnt going to be in fully English. I'm just gonna mix it up. Just like my mixed feelings. Aku nak cakap pasal trip aku ke sana and how disappointed I was. Hmm. Where to start it huh?
So, I guess I should start from the song "Aku Datang" by Tomok. Lagu ni Jo cakap sesuai sangat untuk aku. Time dia cakap tu kitorang on the way balik from Palam to UiTM Shah Alam. Reaksi aku? Aku sengih je rasanya.
Tapi, to be honest, that time aku recall balik lagu tu dalam otak aku, aku ingat balik lirik dia, nyanyi sikit dalam hati. Jujur aku kata, that time, aku sangat tak okay. Kau tahu apa aku rasa? Aku rasa macam nak lari time tu jugak. Rasa nak bukak je pintu teksi tu then lari keluar. Sumpah.
Ya Allah, downnya aku time tu, takde siapa yang tahu. Aku text dia pun macam aku okay je dengan apa yang jadi. Ayat aku macam that's not a big deal. Tapi serious, aku rasa macam nak nangis gila time tu. Kecewanya aku bila apa yang aku buat macam takde apa apa bagi dia.
Okay, sampai kat UiTM Shah Alam aku pergi cari burger dulu. Yes, I was pretending that I'm happy, got a chance to eat burger bakar. Hmm, then pergi cari bilik Tiqah, dah sampai tu kitorang beborak sikit. Umm, healed sikit la bila berborak-borak tu. But at this one point when Tiqah asked me, "Kau pergi Palam buat apa?", aku taktahu nak cakap apa. Aku malu nak bagitahu Tiqah the truth. Sebab aku rasa macam aku ni loser habis. A total loser. And yeah, siapa tak pelik kan tetiba aku pergi sana? Aku cakap Jo nak jumpa kawan dia. And jokingly said that aku nak jumpa "dia".
Esoknya spent masa kejap kat Shah Alam, oh and pepagi tu "dia" ada text cakap ada tournament basketball bla, bla, bla so takboleh jumpa bla, bla, bla. Apa yang aku rasa masa tu? Aku happy sebab at least dia bagitahu kenapa takboleh jumpa bla, bla, bla. Even at the end tu aku kena marah sebab aku marah dia. Lol. Lega sikit. Tapi ada la rasa kecewa tu. Tipulah kalau takde kan?
So time nak balik, naik rapid, perjalanan jauh pulak, hmm, banyak menung ah jawabnya. Banyak aku fikir, tapi yang paling utama sekali that time, aku just wondering if he even appreciate what I've done. Hmm, jauh kut aku datang. Aku ingat Palam tu takdelah jauh sangat. Tapi hampir nak give up jugaklah bila rapid U90 tu taksampai sampai lagi destinasi yang aku nak.
Then perjalanan selamat sampai ke Pilah ni. Aku pergi sana 8 March, balik 9 March. Balik tu aku takcontact dia sebab aku yakin dia marah aku. Few days later adalah aku text dia, sebab rindu tapi takde pun respon dari dia, nak buat cemana kan? Then the next few days dia ada try contact aku, dia misscalled aku tapi aku pulak takde kredit nak call semula. Sadis kan? And the days passed by with me just texted him and got no response. Aku okay lagi. Hmm.
Lama lepastu, aku try contact dia by Instagram, yeah, direct message, hmm ye aku tahu aku loser. Dia reply kata phone hilang. So no wonder lah kan? Since then aku just contact him by Instagram je. Hmm sadlife, yes, tapi apa boleh buat. Nak mintak number dia? No, aku malu, aku taknak dia anggap aku ni overly attached even maybe dah nampak macam tu dah pun. Dia pun takmintak pun number aku Adzlin oii. Aku rasa macam, "okay, maybe he wants to put some distance between us". Okay.
Tapi sekarang aku fikir, "emm, maybe dia memang taknak contact dengan aku dah kut.". Entah lah weh. Aku taktahu apa patut aku buat. Otak suruh give up je, jangan tunggu dia dah. Tapi hati??
Okay, ada this time hati aku rasa nak pasrah je tapi datang pulak this thought ni yang cakap, "Weh, kau dah datang jauh tu demi dia, dia takcakap apa apa pun kan? Dia tak appreciate pun apa yang kau dah buat. Pilah dengan Palam bukan dekat. Pilah-Seremban sejam, Seremban-KL sentral sejam setengah, KL sentral-Shah Alam sejam lebih jugak. Nak tunggu rapid pulak dah berapa lama. Shah Alam-Palam sejam lebih lebih. Enam jam lebih kot weh. Kenapa kau sanggup susahkan diri kau sampai camtu sekali padahal dia taknampak pun effort kau ni."
Aku taktahu weh, sumpah aku broken gila. Bukan broken duit, heart. Aku kena belajar terima hakikat ni. Hakikat yang aku ni bukan siapa siapa bagi dia, tak kiralah banyak mana pun aku berkorban, it is useless. Aku taktahu kenapa aku still boleh bertahan, kenapa aku bengap sangat sanggup tahan sakitnya hati. Even bila aku dah di'ignore' sampai macam tu sekali dengan dia. Ya Allah, aku terlampau positif. Kawan-kawan aku tahu betapa positifnya aku, and aku selalu suruh diorang fikir positif. Tapi aku rasa positif aku ni membunuh aku tahu tak? Sebab bila kau positif, kau akan bina harapan, bila hakikat sebenarnya is, harapan kau tu sebenarnya tak akan pernah jadi realiti.
Aku cuba untuk fikir negatif so that I wouldnt have that hope again tapi haram. Bila aku negatif sikit je, ada je positif yang datang. Kau tahu tak sakitnya bila dah 4 tahun kau cuba move on tapi takboleh? Aku sayang dia, sangat. Sakitnya sekarang is bila kau kena tinggal macamtu je, takde kata putus daripada dia, it's like dia nak lari daripada kau. Hmm, entah lah. Wehh Loacker, if you happen to read this, bagitahu aku apa sebenarnya perasaan kau. Apa yang kau nak, aku stay or aku blah? Be honest with me sebab jelas sekarang aku yang terseksa. Even sebenarnya aku taknak kau suruh aku blah.
Hmm, even aku tahu siapa je yang baca blog aku ni, aku tetap nak luahkan kat sini. Kalau dah ditakdirkan "kau" tetiba nak baca, aku harap kau faham apa yang aku rasa.
Kbye.
Hey, this post isnt going to be in fully English. I'm just gonna mix it up. Just like my mixed feelings. Aku nak cakap pasal trip aku ke sana and how disappointed I was. Hmm. Where to start it huh?
So, I guess I should start from the song "Aku Datang" by Tomok. Lagu ni Jo cakap sesuai sangat untuk aku. Time dia cakap tu kitorang on the way balik from Palam to UiTM Shah Alam. Reaksi aku? Aku sengih je rasanya.
Tapi, to be honest, that time aku recall balik lagu tu dalam otak aku, aku ingat balik lirik dia, nyanyi sikit dalam hati. Jujur aku kata, that time, aku sangat tak okay. Kau tahu apa aku rasa? Aku rasa macam nak lari time tu jugak. Rasa nak bukak je pintu teksi tu then lari keluar. Sumpah.
Ya Allah, downnya aku time tu, takde siapa yang tahu. Aku text dia pun macam aku okay je dengan apa yang jadi. Ayat aku macam that's not a big deal. Tapi serious, aku rasa macam nak nangis gila time tu. Kecewanya aku bila apa yang aku buat macam takde apa apa bagi dia.
Okay, sampai kat UiTM Shah Alam aku pergi cari burger dulu. Yes, I was pretending that I'm happy, got a chance to eat burger bakar. Hmm, then pergi cari bilik Tiqah, dah sampai tu kitorang beborak sikit. Umm, healed sikit la bila berborak-borak tu. But at this one point when Tiqah asked me, "Kau pergi Palam buat apa?", aku taktahu nak cakap apa. Aku malu nak bagitahu Tiqah the truth. Sebab aku rasa macam aku ni loser habis. A total loser. And yeah, siapa tak pelik kan tetiba aku pergi sana? Aku cakap Jo nak jumpa kawan dia. And jokingly said that aku nak jumpa "dia".
Esoknya spent masa kejap kat Shah Alam, oh and pepagi tu "dia" ada text cakap ada tournament basketball bla, bla, bla so takboleh jumpa bla, bla, bla. Apa yang aku rasa masa tu? Aku happy sebab at least dia bagitahu kenapa takboleh jumpa bla, bla, bla. Even at the end tu aku kena marah sebab aku marah dia. Lol. Lega sikit. Tapi ada la rasa kecewa tu. Tipulah kalau takde kan?
So time nak balik, naik rapid, perjalanan jauh pulak, hmm, banyak menung ah jawabnya. Banyak aku fikir, tapi yang paling utama sekali that time, aku just wondering if he even appreciate what I've done. Hmm, jauh kut aku datang. Aku ingat Palam tu takdelah jauh sangat. Tapi hampir nak give up jugaklah bila rapid U90 tu taksampai sampai lagi destinasi yang aku nak.
Then perjalanan selamat sampai ke Pilah ni. Aku pergi sana 8 March, balik 9 March. Balik tu aku takcontact dia sebab aku yakin dia marah aku. Few days later adalah aku text dia, sebab rindu tapi takde pun respon dari dia, nak buat cemana kan? Then the next few days dia ada try contact aku, dia misscalled aku tapi aku pulak takde kredit nak call semula. Sadis kan? And the days passed by with me just texted him and got no response. Aku okay lagi. Hmm.
Lama lepastu, aku try contact dia by Instagram, yeah, direct message, hmm ye aku tahu aku loser. Dia reply kata phone hilang. So no wonder lah kan? Since then aku just contact him by Instagram je. Hmm sadlife, yes, tapi apa boleh buat. Nak mintak number dia? No, aku malu, aku taknak dia anggap aku ni overly attached even maybe dah nampak macam tu dah pun. Dia pun takmintak pun number aku Adzlin oii. Aku rasa macam, "okay, maybe he wants to put some distance between us". Okay.
Tapi sekarang aku fikir, "emm, maybe dia memang taknak contact dengan aku dah kut.". Entah lah weh. Aku taktahu apa patut aku buat. Otak suruh give up je, jangan tunggu dia dah. Tapi hati??
Okay, ada this time hati aku rasa nak pasrah je tapi datang pulak this thought ni yang cakap, "Weh, kau dah datang jauh tu demi dia, dia takcakap apa apa pun kan? Dia tak appreciate pun apa yang kau dah buat. Pilah dengan Palam bukan dekat. Pilah-Seremban sejam, Seremban-KL sentral sejam setengah, KL sentral-Shah Alam sejam lebih jugak. Nak tunggu rapid pulak dah berapa lama. Shah Alam-Palam sejam lebih lebih. Enam jam lebih kot weh. Kenapa kau sanggup susahkan diri kau sampai camtu sekali padahal dia taknampak pun effort kau ni."
Aku taktahu weh, sumpah aku broken gila. Bukan broken duit, heart. Aku kena belajar terima hakikat ni. Hakikat yang aku ni bukan siapa siapa bagi dia, tak kiralah banyak mana pun aku berkorban, it is useless. Aku taktahu kenapa aku still boleh bertahan, kenapa aku bengap sangat sanggup tahan sakitnya hati. Even bila aku dah di'ignore' sampai macam tu sekali dengan dia. Ya Allah, aku terlampau positif. Kawan-kawan aku tahu betapa positifnya aku, and aku selalu suruh diorang fikir positif. Tapi aku rasa positif aku ni membunuh aku tahu tak? Sebab bila kau positif, kau akan bina harapan, bila hakikat sebenarnya is, harapan kau tu sebenarnya tak akan pernah jadi realiti.
Aku cuba untuk fikir negatif so that I wouldnt have that hope again tapi haram. Bila aku negatif sikit je, ada je positif yang datang. Kau tahu tak sakitnya bila dah 4 tahun kau cuba move on tapi takboleh? Aku sayang dia, sangat. Sakitnya sekarang is bila kau kena tinggal macamtu je, takde kata putus daripada dia, it's like dia nak lari daripada kau. Hmm, entah lah. Wehh Loacker, if you happen to read this, bagitahu aku apa sebenarnya perasaan kau. Apa yang kau nak, aku stay or aku blah? Be honest with me sebab jelas sekarang aku yang terseksa. Even sebenarnya aku taknak kau suruh aku blah.
Hmm, even aku tahu siapa je yang baca blog aku ni, aku tetap nak luahkan kat sini. Kalau dah ditakdirkan "kau" tetiba nak baca, aku harap kau faham apa yang aku rasa.
Kbye.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Self and Centre.
Hi, Assalamualaikum!
Nothing much just wanna say hello after a year I've been missing (a year lah sangat). I must admit that this semester I've been quite busy. I thought it was just temporary but seriously, I feel quite tired yknow. I rarely go out compared to last sem. It just, when I got my free time, I'd just have some rest in my room and being alone. And rest to me means lay down on my bed, doing nothing for hours, watching movies or might eventually just fall asleep.
Actually there was this time that I felt so down, mentally down because of something. That thing started from January 16, Thursday up until that weekend, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It was because of something that I couldnt share with anyone. No one knew how I felt, no one knew how terrible my broken heart that time, so what I did just lock myself in my room( luckily my roomate went home that time). I only went out for the toilet. Yes, I barely eat that four days. It was so terrible you feel like you dont wanna live in this world anymore( hey, I'm not saying that I wanna commit suicide that time). I still could think clearly okay?
It just something hurts you so much and you feel better in the dark. Thats how I feel.
It just something hurts you so much and you feel better in the dark. Thats how I feel.
Okay, gtg, Im sleepy.
XOXO
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